El Pendejo Ese

I’m still insecure.
Still unsure about it all.
I’m still not happy, though—
I mean… I’m happy.
But not happy-happy.

Like, I’m not unhappy,
but I’m not satisfied either.

Because I know I’m destined for more.
I want more.
I have more to give.

Maybe that’s the problem.
Or maybe… the blessing.
I don’t know.

I have love in my life—
but I want love, love.
You know?

But I don’t want to force it.
Or pressure it.

I want it to be real.
To feel real.
Meant to be.
To be us.
To feel like home.
Like peace.

Not the idea of it.
Not just settling for society—
for what it’s “supposed” to be.

That’s not me. Never have, never will be a “status quo”.

I’m still not sure what I want.
Haven’t fully healed, for sure.
Still afraid.

But I am determined—
to keep moving forward.

El Pendejo Ese.